Neurodivergent Affection - Map Tool
If I'm telling you about my day...
What I probably need: Connection.
What helps:
Listen for a few minutes before changing topics.
Ask one follow-up question.
Share something about your day too.
What I experience as affection:
"You're interested in my life because I matter to you."
If I seem stressed or overwhelmed...
What I probably need: Support and reassurance.
What helps:
Ask, "Do you want comfort, solutions, or both?"
Offer a hug if I'm comfortable with it.
Help with one small task if possible.
What I experience as affection:
"We're a team and I don't have to carry everything alone."
If I'm crying or visibly upset...
What I probably need: Emotional presence.
What helps:
Stay with me.
Listen before trying to solve the problem.
Say things like:
"That sounds really hard."
"I can see why you're upset."
"I'm here."
What I experience as affection:
"My feelings matter to you."
If I ask for reassurance...
What I probably need: Security.
What helps:
Tell me directly how you feel.
Remind me we're okay.
Say something specific you appreciate about me.
What I experience as affection:
"You still choose me."
If I ask for affection...
What I probably need: Connection, not necessarily romance.
What helps:
Sit next to me.
Hold my hand.
Hug me.
Put your attention on me for a few minutes.
What I experience as affection:
"I am important to you."
If I seem needy or ask for attention repeatedly...
What I probably need: Reassurance that we're connected.
What helps:
A few minutes of focused attention.
A direct statement of care.
A hug or physical touch if appropriate.
What I experience as affection:
"I don't have to earn your love."
If I'm excited about something...
What I probably need: Shared joy.
What helps:
Celebrate with me.
Ask questions.
Show curiosity even if it isn't your interest.
What I experience as affection:
"What matters to me matters to you."
If I've accomplished something...
What I probably need: Recognition.
What helps:
Tell me you're proud of me.
Acknowledge the effort, not just the outcome.
Celebrate the win with me.
What I experience as affection:
"You see how hard I'm trying."
If we're spending time together...
What I probably need: Intentional connection.
What helps:
Occasional eye contact.
Being present rather than multitasking the entire time.
Sharing an activity together.
What I experience as affection:
"You want to be with me, not just near me."
If we're arguing...
What I probably need: Safety.
What helps:
Remember we're solving a problem, not fighting each other.
Avoid sarcasm, contempt, or personal attacks.
Reassure me that the relationship is still secure even if we're upset.
What I experience as affection:
"You care about us more than winning."
Things That Make Me Feel Loved Every Day
These small things have a big impact:
A hug when we see each other.
Asking how my day was.
A text checking in.
Saying "I love you."
Physical closeness while watching TV.
Thanking me for things I do.
Compliments.
Remembering something important to me.
Noticing when I'm struggling.
Choosing to spend intentional time together.
What I Need You to Know
I am not asking for perfection.
I am not asking you to become a different person.
I know you show love in ways I may not always recognize.
This map is simply a guide to help you understand the ways I most easily feel loved and connected to you.
