When Cutting Ties Isn’t an Option

Advocacy
Written By Sarah Omland

How to Cope with Toxic People in Your Life

We’ve all heard the advice: “Just cut them out.” And when it’s possible? Do it. Life is too short to be dragged down by toxic energy. But what if the person draining you is your boss? A parent? A sibling? A colleague you see every day?

Sometimes, walking away isn’t realistic—at least not right away. In those situations, boundaries become your lifeline, and self-preservation becomes an art.

Here’s how to protect your peace when you’re stuck in the orbit of someone toxic:

1. Name What’s Happening—Without Gaslighting Yourself

Toxic behavior comes in many forms: manipulation, guilt-tripping, chronic criticism, boundary violations, or emotional volatility. Recognize it for what it is. You’re not overreacting if you feel consistently drained, anxious, or small around someone. Trust that.

You don’t need their validation to know something is off.

2. Set (and Maintain) Firm Boundaries

Boundaries don’t have to be announced with a bullhorn. They’re often quiet, subtle, and consistent.

  • Emotional boundaries: You don’t have to explain yourself, justify your feelings, or engage in every argument.

  • Time boundaries: Limit how long you're around them. End conversations when they turn toxic.

  • Energetic boundaries: Practice emotional detachment—remind yourself that their behavior is about them, not you.

Boundaries aren’t meant to change other people. They’re meant to protect you.

3. Learn the Art of the Gray Rock

When dealing with manipulative or dramatic people, the gray rock technique can be a lifesaver. Be uninteresting. Don’t react. Keep your answers short, neutral, and factual.

Toxic individuals often feed off of drama or emotional responses. Don’t give them the feast.

4. Strengthen Your Internal Support System

You may not be able to choose all the people in your life—but you can choose how you take care of yourself.

  • Have someone you trust to vent to (a friend, coach, or therapist).

  • Practice self-soothing techniques: journaling, breathwork, grounding exercises.

  • Engage in activities that reconnect you to joy, calm, and power.

Let your own well-being be your rebellion.

5. Get Clear About What You Can Control

You can’t control how they behave, what they say, or whether they change. You can control:

  • Your reactions.

  • Your presence (or absence).

  • The space you give them in your mind after the fact.

Sometimes “winning” is simply refusing to be dragged into their storm.

6. Have an Exit Plan—Even If It’s Long-Term

If the relationship is truly damaging and it’s not a situation you can leave right away (like a job or living arrangement), start creating a long-term exit plan.

  • Document toxic workplace behavior.

  • Save money to move or change jobs.

  • Seek outside support (HR, legal, or therapeutic) if needed.

You deserve a life that feels safe and grounded. Start building toward it, even if it’s one small step at a time.

You Are Not Powerless

Toxic people often operate by making others feel small, stuck, or responsible for their moods. Don’t buy the lie. You don’t owe anyone your peace. Even if you can’t walk away today, you can reclaim your energy, your boundaries, and your sense of self—starting now.

You don’t have to become hard or cold to protect yourself. You just have to become clear.

Sarah Omland
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